I miss you, Dad!
It's not because I took you for granted, or because I didn't spend more time with you... In fact, I think we had more good times together than most parents and kids enjoy. It's just that I didn't know I had to rush, so I didn't. I suppose it's true that it's only possible to miss someone once they are gone...
It's completely unreal and unbelievable.
Airplanes never take old people who've lived their whole lives out, and they've taken more than a fair share of people from me. But we fly them for the joy of it. And it makes me feel crazy to still love my job. It's a tug of war in my heart. However I'm sure my Dad would still want me to fly, albeit with two engines and at that, those with an excellent safety record. People say all kinds of weird things at a time like this. And it's such a weird time. Nothing makes sense and time is a completely abstract idea. Other people with more sense, or perhaps experience, say nice things though, too. I am certainly not a religious or spiritual person, but an acquaintance wrote me a note, suggesting my Dad would fly with me every time I flew. And I have to say, I like that.
I have from time to time thought how terrible it would be to lose a parent, but it's not real until it happens and even if it weren't an accident, I don't think anything prepares you for it.
Many people have passed along their kind regards and offered their help. I feel very appreciative of everyone's caring thoughts and words. They are some consolation in otherwise pure cataclysm...
I went home to be with my mom. It's kind of a peculiar thing to say, but he's in everything there.
He built it all. Every little bit. I almost expected him to step out from behind a stack of wood in the garage, in shorts and suspenders, socks in sandals, to help me find something or lend some useful advice. Or make me laugh with a silly pun or a song. Oh, what I'd do to be yelled at for slamming the door or wearing my shoes past the mat in the foyer. Haha. I say that laughing and crying... I had thirty wonderful years, which were better than most gifts anyone gets in life, meanwhile that much harder to lose.
I'm very lucky. My Dad was really the best I could have ever hoped to have. He knew how everything works and could build or make anything from fish hatcheries to houses, and well, airplanes - to the best bread and was happy to patiently teach me or answer my questions. He was a perfectionist, organized and neat, a workaholic and a committed Dad and enthusiast of beauty in the things he made, in nature, in life. Somehow he managed to create all he did and to have time to live a life so rich in experiences. He was friendly and kind and sensible. He taught me many valuable things and funnily enough taught me to make him a rum and coke before I even learned my own phone number, which he helped me to remember on the first day of kindergarten. He always had time for me and could often sense exactly how I felt, even from the other side of the earth. He even found me my Jordan...
With my Dad, went his best friend. A really wonderful person, who I will also dearly miss...
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